Kate’s Diary – Sunday 25th November – It’s getting harder and harder to relax

I’m annoyed.  I just told my Google Home to “play Anitra’s Dance”.  It’s a classical tune, by the way.  My favourite piece of music.  It always reminds me of a mischievous cat for some reason.  Google decided I didn’t know my own mind and decided to play some rap music instead by someone who didn’t sound anything like Anitra.  It was rubbish.  I told Google to “shut the fuck up”.  She said, “okay, no more yapping!”, rather too happily for my liking, the smug bitch.  I hate when technology thinks it knows better than me.  As if it knows what I should be doing or listening to in order to relax.  Well it doesn’t and so help me God, that woman will learn to know her place in this house.  Always butting in when we’re watching TV, randomly telling us the football scores, interrupting conversations, like she was ever a part of them.  We don’t even really use the bloody thing to be honest.  Maybe that’s why she’s so insistent on being part of the family.  Maybe she feels lonely.  I know the feeling.  I have lots of people check in with me every day but I still can’t help but feel alone sometimes.

I feel as if we haven’t stopped for months.  We’ve had so much going on for so long that Dave has only recently got his sleeping pattern back, which means, unfortunately for me, that he also is back to snoring his arse off every single night.  Very loudly, I might add.  Which means I’m awake for the whole night.  Unless I go and sleep on the sofa downstairs, but it’s too small for me and I end up cramped up with a dead leg.  Unpleasant.  So I’ve been struggling by with around an hour and a half sleep every night for the last month or so.  I also went to visit my sister last weekend and did a lot of driving, which also tired me out, then I went to work and blah blah, you know the score.  Basically I burnt myself out.  I couldn’t even summon the energy to stream last week.  I was trying to keep to my regular routine of work, home, tidy up, prepare for work tomorrow, sort kitties out, stream, read, bed, but there was just too many things on the to-do list and I couldn’t keep up.  If I had been a Sim, I would be getting told “Kate’s queue is full” right before breaking out the nearest mop, drawing a face on it and talking to it with a crazy look in my eye.

I spoke to one of my friends who I deem a very practical and reliable “grown up” (as I see him), and he told me I should be relaxing and taking a break and that the people around me wouldn’t see it as me letting them down.  That they would be very supportive.  And they really were.  I was thankful for it.

Friday gone was spent playing old-new games with my fake little brother in South Africa.  He always makes my brain want alcohol (I mean, even more so than usual) and I may have been a tad over-generous with my measures of gin to tonic.  I woke up feeling extremely delicate on Saturday.  But I still put my computer on and streamed a bit of Fallout 76, which I was enjoying right up until the point that my stream crashed and ended and I hadn’t even noticed and continued playing and talking to myself for a further two hours.  When I realised, I was miffed to say the least.

Today I’ve been doing grown up things, like buying kettles and those things you put your tea, coffee and sugar in.  I’m a great lover of cute and quirky and, as sad as I am, and will even admit it, I sat looking at them for ages after putting them on the kitchen bench.  It inspired me to do some more housework and make my house nice and cosy so I could cuddle up with my cat and watch some more episodes of ‘The Last Kingdom’ before reading then bed.

Usually I play games on a Sunday.  Or I hang out with my best friend.  Wednesdays and half Sundays are usually our days.  Instead, tonight I decided to focus solely on trying to relax and unwind so maybe I sleep tonight and maybe I will be good for something in the morning.  My house is tidy and cosy, I lit the tealights, decided to blog and vent and I’m sat in my PJ’s all snug with my Bug (my cat – he’s called Bug – after the main protagonist from the movie ‘My Soul to Take’ – cos that guy always got ganged up on and bullied, and so does my cat – I realise this sounds utterly mental).

I guess I was feeling mostly okay but right now I just sort of feel a bit lonely.  I’ve been asked by my friends to come play Fallout with them and I know my other great darling of a friend G would suggest I hang out in Discord or something but I just mostly don’t really know where to put myself.  I feel a little empty.  Like a part of me is missing.  I should probably go give my head a shake, make a cup of green tea and think of something worthwhile to actually blog about…

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