Kate’s Diary 19th October – A rare vlog

So, um, I don’t usually do this. I kind of like to maintain the happy upbeat persona. But when someone you love is sad or upset and you feel helpless, you can’t help but be overcome with your emotions. They kind of spill out, no matter how hard you try and keep them in.

Today was Dave’s dad’s funeral. His dad wrote his own eulogy. He mentioned me. It broke me. And Dave broke. He never cries and it hurt so much to see him like that because I couldn’t do anything about it other than hold his hand and be there. This is the hardest thing we have been through together and we’ve been through a lot.

I make a lot of video diaries that never see the light of day. But I wanted to share this one because I found it easier to express my feelings in my body language and facial expressions than words.

Kate’s Diary 18th October 2018 – It’s been kinda hard

Wow it’s been a while since I posted!  There has been so much going on / gone on that I’ve kind of had to prioritise and whilst I would have loved to have blogged to vent, I struggled to find the right words.  So I streamed instead.  I put a good deal of effort into streaming.  And when I wasn’t streaming I was trying to be there for my boyfriend, whose dad sadly passed away a fortnight ago so everything was a bit up in the air, we didn’t know whether we were coming or going and both our schedules went to pot really.  It was hard.  It was also exacerbated by the fact that my grandad also passed away and I wasn’t able to go to his funeral due to work commitments.  I’ve felt a little lost with ideas for blog posts to be fair, hence this one of mostly rambling.

I’ve met a lot of new people who have joined our little community of gamers so I have made a lot of new friends, which I am grateful for because they have all checked in with me regularly and made sure me and Dave are okay, especially godsendss and 50cal so I’m genuinely really really grateful to have them around.

We have the funeral to attend tomorrow so I’m not really sure what kind of mood either of us will come back in to say whether I will be blogging properly or whether we’ll just be chilling watching TV or whether he will stay out and get drunk and give his dad a good send off.  Either way, if I drop off the radar for a bit, you know why.

When streamers get together…

I’ve not long got back home from spending the day in Whitby.  Me and my boyfriend met up with a couple of our streamer friends who happened to be spending the weekend there and since it’s not far from us at all and we couldn’t pass up the opportunity, we ventured out this morning and met them there.

Oh my goodness I haven’t laughed so hard for ages.  It’s been many, many years since I’ve had real life friends to spend any time with so this was a big deal for me and it was the magic medicine I’ve needed for a long time.  It was so much fun that my smile muscles hurt by the end of the day and as soon as we left them to go to the car, I actually felt really sad cos I missed them already.

It’s weird how you just instantly feel at ease around some people, like you’ve known them for years, and this is exactly how I felt around godsendss and 50cal so I can’t wait to hang out with them again.  I realise there’s still a stigma about meeting people you’ve met on the Internet but I can safely say after today that this is a great thing to do and streamer meet ups, for anyone who hasn’t arranged one, should definitely be a thing.  These two people, who I basically met when I streamed randomly one day back in March when I was giving Twitch a go for the first time and gods showed up in my chat that day and every stream after.  These two people who could quite easily become very close friends in real life.  Anyway, before I go all gooey and lose my credibility with gods, here are a few snaps of our outing today!

Kate’s Diary – September 28th – I’m having a party and you’re all invited

Today is the Macmillan Coffee morning at work.  Except I had tea instead.  Five cups of it to be precise.  And that was before 10am.  I started work at 8am.  So to say I’m now on a caffeine rush is a bit of an understatement.
Usually we all bring cakes in, but none of us are really cake people and we thought this year that we’d stop being morons and eat something we all like.  So we got toast and crumpets (so British right?) and we ate them and drank tea (VERY British right?).
I started this morning feeling really, really, inescapably down in the dumps.  I recently lost a friend and it’s hit me almost unbearably hard for weeks.  I fought and fought but it wasn’t enough and this morning I have had to finally walk away and say goodbye forever.  Everyone must have noticed I was bummed because people have gone out of their way to cheer me up and make me smile.  It’s worked.  I feel better.
I decided to stream tonight because I’m really enjoying Stardew Valley and I really enjoyed the company I received when I streamed it last.  It was good fun and I laughed and smiled.  They say laughter is the best medicine and by God they are right.  I feel better when I am in front of my computer, and in the company of like-minded people, joking around and talking about nothing and everything.  So I’ll be streaming over on my Twitch channel at 6pm GMT tonight.  If anyone wants to stop by and keep me company on this Friday evening after a long week, I would very much appreciate that.  I’ve carefully chosen an upbeat playlist just for the occasion so you can all come, drink alcohol and sing with me.  Let’s have some fun 😉
Hopefully see you all there 😛
Keep being spiffy everyone!

Learning new languages! Apparently it’s more common to want to learn Klingon than anything else…?

I love learning different languages.  Back in the day, when we still had dial-up and a buttload of time on our hands, I used to sit for hours in front of Encarta ’97 (I’m sure it will be long before your time) flicking through all the different languages and learning the basics of tons of them.  This love for languages eventually made me broaden my horizon to a program sort of like Rosetta Stone but a damn sight cheaper, where I decided I would start learning Spanish.  To this day, where the hell I thought I was ever going to slip “the donkey is bad” into general conversation with a Spanish person escapes me.

I’m one of the rare English people who really feel extremely ignorant when I’m in another country and I don’t know a single word of the language (or very little of it) and am basically expecting to get by, by speaking in English and expecting everyone else to speak my language.  I honestly feel terrible.

Last year when I joined my old guild on Elder Scrolls Online, I met a guy from South Africa.  You may know him, he has been in a couple of my streams.  His name is Novadoam.  He speaks better English than I do and has the single worst South African accent I have ever heard in my life.  Honestly, I was expecting full Leo DiCaprio when he started talking and I was completely taken aback.  He sounds like someone talking American with a foreign accent.  He tells me (I felt so stupid when the realisation hit me) that naturally, people who live in South Africa, speak Afrikaans primarily, not English and that he learned a lot of English from American daytime TV shows.  It’s not like people walk around talking like they’re on the set of ‘Blood Diamond’.  How silly of me.

Anyway, I do so love him, he’s adorable, like the little brother I never had and always wanted.  (That’s a bit of a lie because I actually always wanted an older brother who would beat bullies up for me and instead ended up with a little sister who kicked a boy called Martin in the balls when she was four and he was six because he was mean to me). I digress.  Yes, I love him and I thought it would be really thoughtful if I could speak to him (even occasionally) in Afrikaans.  So I downloaded the Duolingo app, which I’ve had a lot of success with before and when it installed, I searched the long list of languages for Afrikaans (which to be honest, I didn’t think was too obscure a language to ask for, in the grand scheme of things).

You can imagine my surprise when it wasn’t in the list.  At all.  Of course, there were the usuals, Spanish, French, German, blah blah blah.  Amongst this list, if I had been walking whilst searching I would have done a double take.  As it was, I scrolled down, then up, then down again, hardly believing my eyes.Screenshot 2018-09-27 at 19.25.11

Apparently, with the aid of Duolingo, you can now learn ‘Klingon’ or ‘High Valyrian’.  Don’t get me wrong, I like Game of Thrones as much as the next half-arsed person; not so hot on Star Trek, but I’m not nerdy enough or have as much time on my hands enough to warrant learning either of those languages.  And also, which country would I be visiting where either of these languages would get me a drink in a bar?  The scary thing is that 490k people in the world are using Duolingo alone, (that’s not counting in any other method of language learning) just to learn High fucking Valyrian.  It occurred to me that at this rate, English will be a second language to English people and the most widely used language, worldwide will become a fucking made up language from a massively overrated TV show.  Grrr.  I have a bee in my bonnet about this, so sorry.

I was absolutely devastated by this.  I’m really fussy with learning techniques and I bin things off very quickly if the method of learning is not sinking in or is boring me.  I know Duolingo works for me and it’s great that it even checks your pronunciation.

Sigh!  Uber sigh!  How very UN-Spiffy!

I had no choice but to trawl the Internet and go back to my old fashioned learning method, which is seeing something written down, writing it down myself and then replaying the pronunciation over and over until I sounded partially right in my own head.  So far, I can say, (and I thought this would be incredibly useful when Nova tries to get cocky with me) “I don’t speak Afrikaans, I don’t understand”, “How are you?”, “What time is it?”, “I am tall”, “He is short” and the most important one, “Are you married?”.  Sadly, I couldn’t find anywhere where it could tell me how to say “the donkey is bad” so I’ll have to ask Nov to get me up to scratch with that one.

I think he was quite taken aback when I told him what I was doing but I could almost hear a smile in the messages.  He has said I can practice when he’s next online, so naturally, I’m looking forward to making a fool of myself, forgetting everything and having the pronunciation (which I actually have down pretty well now) all go to pot.

I shall endure!

Cars, cars and more cars – how many crappy ones can I go through before I get a decent one?

My goodness, I suck.  I mean, you know, not at everything, but definitely at choosing the wrong cars.  To date I have had eight cars.  I have been driving for twelve years.  Out of those eight cars, seven were ten years or older.  I have never been able to afford a relatively new car so I keep saving up and buying these absolute sheds that are fine when I get them, then, like the Jonah that I am, within a couple of months, things start to go horribly wrong with them, I end up plying thousands into them, probably enough to warrant getting a decent car, but you know how it is – you drop a couple hundred quid into a car and then you think it’d be a waste of money if you got a different one because you’d already put money into it, so you put more money into it to get more repairs done and it ends up being a viscous cycle that costs you a lot of money.

My most recent car is a cute little yellow Fiat 500.  They’re quite popular these days and I looked into literally hundreds of reviews about them – parts are budget, tax is cheap/free, insurance is really really, ridiculously low, fuel costs next to nothing, etc. etc.  Plus they don’t take up much space on your drive, so, bonus!

So, I took out a loan for £3750 and went to a garage that sold a little yellow sport edition Fiat 500 (2008) and I part ex’d my red Beetle (complete with huge golden Legend of Zelda Hyrule symbol decal across the bonnet) and I bought it.  I got £300 for my Beetle, which had multitude of problems and was a 2000 edition, so it was pretty darn old.

The garage fixed a few niggly things here and there for free (naturally) and for a fair few months (around eight) I was trouble free and I thought I’d finally found the car that would have little to no problems and not taunt me with its very existence.

I did have issues with its size, to be fair.  The car I had before my Beetle was a huge Honda HR-V that made me feel MASSIVE and really really safe.  So going to the Fiat started to make me feel a little uneasy after a while, especially on the motorway.

So far I have had new bulbs, four new tyres, a full new exhaust and brand spanking new brake discs and all the jazz that comes with your regular MOT fails.  I’ve spent a fair bit of money on repairs.  So imagine my absolute devastation when my car suddenly starts overheating when we’re stuck in traffic one day and what did it boil down to?  A coolant leak somewhere in the radiator which has now got so bad that I drive it to work (three miles) and by the time I get there, the coolant, which I filled to the max before I left, is empty.  It also has a multitude of electrical faults and I’m just really losing my patience with the stupid thing.

None of this was a problem really transport-wise, because I live so close to work and can get a lift in with my boyfriend, however, we found out recently that our depot is moving to the other end of the district, across a lot of country roads (and uphill) and I am now one hundred percent certain that my little crappy car will definitely not get me to work every day.  If I don’t have my car, I don’t have my job.  Simple.

I want to sell it and get a car that’s only a couple of years old, on finance.  Trouble is, I can’t sell it until I get the repairs done because obviously, I have to use the money I make from selling it, to instantly pay back the loan I took out to buy it.

So.  This brings me to my next, extremely forward topic.  They say up North, “shy bairns get nowt” so I’m just gonna put it out there and outright ask.  I have set up a donation button on my Twitch page and will be placing a donation ticker in my stream tomorrow if any kind Samaritans feel like helping a very unlucky girl out with some financial aid that will go towards fixing my stupid car so I can get rid of it once and for all before it ends up killing me, since it basically a bloody deathtrap.

Any help is massively appreciated and I will send hugs.  In fact, I’ll send hugs even if no one helps.  Just cos I love hugging people.

Kate’s Diary – 30th August – Time is a great healer

So I’ve kind of had a bit of a rocky time.  My grandad passed away on Monday morning this week and my mum took it really, really badly.  I’ve spent a while now looking after people and now I’m burnt out myself.  I kind of took a bit of a back seat these last couple days in the hope I could recharge my batteries and come back fighting, but it’s taking a while.  I also lost a friend, which still, even now, hurts like a bitch, but my grandad always said, “time is a great healer” so I will just take each day at a time and hopefully it will get easier.

I decided I would take my friend Andy’s advice (love you Andy!) and chill out and think about myself for a change so I’ve played a bit Sims, took myself out for a curry and a pint and now I’m sat cosy AF in bed (under two duvets – in August), kitty cosied up to my feet, with a lovely glass of wine, listening to the Fallout New Vegas soundtrack and writing this.

And my sister, bless her, is trying to cheer me up and just sent me the best Snapchat that just nearly made me choke on my wine.

Now we’re having Snapchat wars.  Haha, you know, I think I’d quite forgotten how to smile this week up until now.  And now my other friends are joining in.  I’m so lucky to have them.

Anyway, this was just a short post, I’m going to bed now.

Goodnight everyone!