Coffee and Thoughts – July 26th

Well, I’m back fully online after half a week of living in a Fireworks tent. Literally, sleeping, eating, and just being there 24/7, minus running home to shower every night. It was painful. But, several bruised knees and sore muscles later, everything is packed up and I am DONE!

So, for the first time this week, I’ve been able to wake up in a comfortable bed, and spend the morning drinking coffee and relaxing and catching up with my online community. It has been fantastic. It’s funny how much more you appreciate things when you haven’t had them in a while. I mean, Starbucks coffee is great (and by great I mean tastes like super burnt gross shit, but it’s convenient so I drink it) but I am SO glad to be back to mugs of my “brewed at home with my favorite coffee creamer” coffee.

(Delayed warning: There’s not too much of a point to this post, so I apologize if it gets a bit rambly)

I’ve hit a patch in my streaming ‘career’ where I’ve just been a bit dissatisfied with my stream. I’m not sure what exactly, but something’s been bugging me about it. Maybe it’s because I’ve had a lot of negative personal issues going on that have brought me down into a bit of a depressed state and that just leaked into my streaming, but regardless, I’ve been a bit frustrated.

So I put some feelers out asking for feedback from the communities I’m in as well as in my Discord, because I didn’t want to just sit there and feel bad about things. I wanted to actually see what I could improve on. The feedback I received was wonderful. My regular viewers that have kept coming back told me that they stay and watch for my personality and because I’m real. And I appreciated hearing that so much. When I started streaming, I didn’t have a huge understanding of what Twitch was, so one friend that I’d talked about streaming with told me that to get “big” on Twitch you had to be a (and I quote) “Titty Streamer”.

I did NOT want to be that. So I went into this doubting that I would actually be successful. And yet, I’m now affiliated, just hit 200 followers, and I’m proud of what I’ve done. So hearing from my viewers that they love my channel for who I am was the best feedback I could possibly ask for.

I always try to be real. It’s taken me an extremely long time to come to terms with my personality and not feel like I have to adjust and change for people I meet. I did that for a very long time and kept a lot of things bottled up and it had a very negative effect on me, to say the least. Now, I can say that my personality and who I am is genuine. I’m a dork, I’m obsessed with Star Wars, I game, I quote movies and tv shows incessantly, and I enjoy it all.

I feel like a lot of people on Twitch resort to being overly sexual in their speech or comments, or they drink/get drunk on every single stream and that’s kind of part of who they are as a streamer. And I’m not sure why, but it tends to bother me, and eventually I just get tired of watching the same thing. It’s the people that are real, without trying to overcompensate in some way that I appreciate and I will continue watching. And I try to be one of those people too. I dunno, where I’m going with this. I think this has been something that’s been on my mind so I guess I’m getting it out here.

I’ve worked hard for my channel. I’ve met amazing people like Kate and Purple as well as some awesome communities like Prepare for the Mediocre and Asylum. All of these people have become like family to me, and my day isn’t complete unless I’ve had some sort of contact with them.

This is the one thing I didn’t expect from Twitch. I didn’t envision myself making friends with people and finding a family that spreads across the world. But I did. And now I’m . not sure what I’d do without them.

Anyway, I really feel like I’m being very scattered in my thoughts right now, so I’m gonna call it a day. But I will see you all here later, with hopefully something a bit more organized 😉 Love you all!