Kate’s Diary – Saturday 25th August – I flat out refuse to die in a log cabin or a big forest

I feel fucking great today. I bought an outfit last week while I was on holiday that is very fifteen-year-old-me. And I realise that sounds a little bit creepy and also a little bit like I’m clinging onto the past (which is probably because I am) but I used to love the way I dressed back then and I felt really comfortable in myself. I feel like that today, even though this outfit is like “acceptable thirty year old dressing as fifteen year old”. So I can kind of get away with it.

Guess what? I bought a NEW Chromebook! I’m using it right.now.

Last weekend I was hungover after a late night, alcohol-fuelled mini golf session with my friends. Online obviously. I hate real life mini golf, although my skills seem to be equally as bad at real life mini golf and Golf With Your Friends. Meh, I suck at games. Anyway, I digress. SO. I was hungover last weekend (really bad, like I had sick down my face and stuff – please form an orderly queue guys) and I was talking to my friends on Discord on my Chromebook and I just thought to myself, “I really want a new Chromebook. One with a touchscreen and stuff”. And this of course was me trying to cheer myself up because I was hungover. So I went on my catalogue online and bought one. Then about twenty minutes later I realised what a terrible fucking expensive hangover decision it was and cancelled the order. I returned from holiday to find that it had been delivered anyway so I figured it’d be rude not to keep it. Although I do keep forgetting it has a touchscreen (the entire reason for buying it) and I keep using the mouse anyway. I’m such a moron.

My boyfriend had a new phone delivered today by the nicest DPD guy, he was really lovely. He was like a thirty year old guy who couldn’t let go of his fifteen year old skater self so I instantly decided he was getting a good customer service Tweet. We had quite a long conversation about how bad my passport photo was but how his was even worse (not that I got to see it) and when I gave my boyfriend his phone he said, “you made quite a friend with Craig from DPD didn’t you lol”. Good times. I feel like Craig probably has an N64 and drinks chocolate milkshake a lot and I’d like to keep him but that’s just weird right? I’m such a sucker for clinging onto the past.

So anyway, Scotland was kind of rainy all week. And I didn’t bring a coat. Like, I know it’s Scotland and all, but it’s August. It’s supposed to be sunny in August. But it rained a lot. And I ate a lot. And walked a lot. And worried a lot cos it was quite remote and I’ve seen too many horror movies where a group of people stay in a log cabin and it’s all fun and games til the guy in the hockey mask starts dismembering everybody.

We went for a hike in Duke’s Forest (I think that’s what it was called anyway, I CBA to Google it right now) and we were the only people I could see for miles and all I kept thinking was, “if we lose the trail, we’re gonna die in here because, inevitably, none of us will have any signal”. I asked the others and they didn’t have any signal so I checked my own phone and OH MY GOD, not only did I have full signal but I only had full fucking 4g as well. I was like, EE, you guys are missing out on a great Kevin Bacon advert here about a spoof horror movie where it’s in a dark forest and everyone is lost and no one else has signal except for Kevin Bacon and they think they’re gonna die, but they don’t cos he’s got full 4g and just uses Google Maps to get them all out. Also, if EE release that advert I want commission.

We stayed near a place called ‘Drymen’ and my boyfriend and my sister’s husband got a taxi there for a few pints in the local pub. Their taxi driver was called “Mad Dog” and apparently he ran over one of the guys in the pub (this guy was telling the boys) when he was angry. They were also told that everyone else called him Mad Dog, but he didn’t call himself that and got really angry if anyone called him it. I think my sister’s husband called him it anyway when he was drunk in the taxi on the ride home but they came back in one piece so Mad Dog mustn’t have heard him. Mad Dog also very adamantly kept correcting them that “Drymen” wasn’t pronounced “dry men”, but “drimmen”. So the rest of the week focused heavily on my sister and the boys yelling “DRIMMEN” everywhere they went.

Anyway I’ve rattled on enough now, I’m gonna go start my little car up to drop my boyfriend and my dad off on their drinking and football escapade so I can get back and cosy up and chill out.

Can’t wait.

Painting the Girl Cave (Not a Euphemism)

I’m terrible for changing my mind.  I used to do my dad’s head in by rearranging the entire downstairs of our house on a regular basis.  He would come home from work and go to put the TV on, only for it to have reappeared at the opposite side of the room.  Sometimes I could see a flicker of confusion when he walked through the front door, which was already unlocked, into a room which now had a completely different colour scheme and furniture, wondering if he’d walked into one of our neighbours houses by mistake.

Since he moved out two years ago, my boyfriend has been the latest victim of my indecisiveness.  I’ve had him completely revamp our kitchen, living room, dining room and bathroom – I mean painting the walls a totally different colour, buying new furniture and hanging new things on the walls.

When he first moved in,  my bedroom was where his man cave is now and I had the little box room as my office.  I then decided we’d move our bedroom to the master bedroom which my dad had just vacated and I would turn my old bedroom into my girl cave, giving him my little box room for his man cave.  I rearranged my girl cave a half dozen times and then six months later I changed my mind and wanted my little box room back.  So we swapped rooms again.  I had a lot of stuff to move.

I’ve not been happy with the little room since moving back into it, it was very cold and grey and not very welcoming at all.  I had also ordered a monster of a computer desk which shortly after being assembled and used, I decided I hated and desperately wanted my old, crappy, second hand wooden PC desk back from the depths of the dusty garage.  I didn’t have the heart to tell my boyfriend that, since he nearly lost a couple of fingers and mildly missed being decapitated while erecting the new monster desk.  The desk is also black and gets dusty really quickly, which used to drive my OCD insane.  I couldn’t wait to get rid of it.  And I could see the glint in my boyfriend’s eyes at getting the opportunity of a nice new computer desk, hand-me-down PC and getting set up to be a PC gamer (sort of).

I had decided from the off that I really wanted my new theme to be calming and relaxing as opposed to funky and techie.  We went to Homebase and I trawled the paint aisle, sending my best friend photo after photo of colours that I thought might be nice – pinks, purples, baby blues and pastel greens.  I decided on a calming purple (which was reduced to £7.50 because it was discontinued – bargain) and bought some wood coloured floating shelves to replace the current nasty black ones.

My old crappy PC desk was my next project.  Back when I had my girl cave, it had been a God-awful 70’s brown colour and my boyfriend had half-assed painted it white.  It still looked awful because he had only painted where he could see.  I took two tins of pastel blue spray paint to it and covered it, before applying a candy coloured backing plastic to the top.IMG_20180804_164210

I gave my boyfriend my old TV to use as his new monitor for his PC which cleared up some space on the top of my bookshelf and made the room less heavy feeling (IMO).  I put two happy plants and a blueberry crush scented candle on the bookshelf.IMG_20180804_164238

The rest of the additions included pastel pink voiles and an LED strip which I affixed to the underside of my computer desk and set it to rainbow mode to match my keyboard.  Top this all off with a lavender air freshener plug in and my entire room suddenly radiates calm.  I love being in it.  My cat also loves it because he’s spent the last two nights stroking my voiles.  He is absolutely enamoured with my curtains.  Bless him, he doesn’t get out much.

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When it comes to beauty scoring, I’m a solid 6

I came across an article today about a site which analyses a photo of you and tells you how pretty you are out of one hundred. The site has recently come under fire because not only does it score you out of one hundred, but it also lists every single imperfection you have, so you can see exactly why it thinks you’re fugly (or not, if you’re lucky enough to be that person). Apparently it’s bad for peoples’ self esteem and self confidence.

Naturally I was intrigued and having had self image issues for as long as I’ve lived, I was pretty hardened to anything it could throw at me. I’ve been likened to Spock (cos of my right elf ear), Harry Potter (from when I had short hair and glasses), my dad once said I looked like E.T in skinny fit jeans (I can always rely on you to tell it how it is Dad) and my boyfriend describes me as “over the hill”. So it’s all good. Hit me with everything you’ve got PrettyScale.com.

So here’s my results. Woohoo, 60%, so not a total write off. It also specifically says I’m “good looking” – but I’m unsure if it actually means “goodlooking” or if they’re using “good” synonymously with “okay”. Like I’m “okay” looking, nothing to write home to your mother about when you meet me. The postcard home would say something along the lines of:

Mum,

Travelling the world is really great, I’m having such a whale of a time. Met this sweet girl called Kate, she’s not much to look at but she’s got a heart of gold and good sized birthing hips.

Hope to see you and Dad soon,

Love From Your Son

I can deal with that, it’s all good. But what kind of made me feel a bit taken aback and slightly hurt (by a goddamn computer algorithm, not even a human being) was the list of imperfections that came with my score. They couldn’t just give people a score and be done with it, leaving people to wonder what they lost points on, could they?

So let’s tackle my imperfections:

  • Face too long – I mean, I’ve never exactly been called “horsey” but I guess now they mention it, my face is kind of long… I’d never noticed that before;
  • Forehead too big – again, this is something I’ve never thought because I’ve mostly always had a fringe/bangs so my forehead was always covered. I even uploaded a different picture and did it again because I thought maybe the angle knocked it off, but no. Apparently my forehead is too big. Like you could park a car on it;
  • Big inter-ocular distance I had to Google this because it’s a big word, although I had an idea that it was something to do with my eyes. Basically, my eyes are too far apart. Which is weird because I actually always thought that they were too close;
  • Wide Nose – yeah, I have to hand it to ya PrettyScale, my nose is the one part of me that I can’t stand. It’s faaaar too big. But great for holding spoons;
  • Bad Face Symmetry – so wonky face syndrome. This isn’t something I had noticed before, but then again, when you look at someone else’s face in a mirror it always looks wonky. So this one kinda hurt my feelings a bit.

On the plus side, I have a “normal mouth size” and “normal chin size”. They evidently don’t do compliments because it doesn’t say anywhere anything like “your little chin is adorable”.

60% is kind of neither here nor there, nothing to shout about but also nothing to cry solidly into my pillow at night about.

My boyfriend will be happy to know this score because he always said I was a “solid 6/10”.

Update:

I’ve decided this site is bullshit. I uploaded a different photo and got this result:

Here are the two photos I uploaded.

Amazingly Gross (and totally real) Ice Cream Flavours from Around the World

So whilst trawling through Twitter in my free time I came across this Tweet. And yes, it was “gag-inducing”:

I’m all for trying new things but this just flat out looks vile. And I kid you not, it’s real, no joke. It actually inspired me (after I’d stopped feeling sick) to peruse the net and see if weird ice cream flavours are actually a thing. Turns out – they are.

I compiled a few of my favourites and most disgusting flavoured ice creams below. I actually rather like ninety percent of all the foods listed, just not in ice cream format. Because that’s gross. Here we go.

#10. Cheetos

I haven’t had many dealing with Cheetos since they’re about as rare as rocking horse shit in the UK but I have tasted them before and I quite liked them. They aren’t Brannigans Ham and Mustard crisps, but they’re nice. What I don’t want however is Cheetos in ice cream format. Yuk. The brave people at Insider gave it a go though. I think it looks suspiciously just like Mr Whippy ice cream with Cheetos powder sprinkled on top.

#9. Vegetable Ice Cream Salad

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I’m really not a salad person. You can probably guess that. I prefer pizzas. Again, what I really don’t need in my life when I’m sticking at being unhealthy is an unhealthy form of salad. Kind of defeats the purpose doesn’t it? The people at Foodmento.com don’t think so. You can grab the recipe for making their vegetable ice cream salad on their website and try it for yourself.

#8. Hawaiian Pizza

Introducing the Hawaiian Pizza Ice Cream Sandwich, Complete With Hunks of Real Spam

I don’t believe pineapple has any place on a pizza. I know lots of people would disagree with me on this one. It’s a Marmite scenario, I know this. Ham is perfectly acceptable but a curse on the house of whomever thought to add pineapple to the equation. And then a double curse to the person who took it one step too far and decided that pineapple on a pizza wasn’t enough – pineapple flavoured ice cream with chunks of spam in it, in the form of an ice cream sandwich was the way forward. You sick, sick individual.

#7. Curry and Mint

Both great flavours which I enjoy on a regular basis. Mint ice cream is also the bomb. However, I like my curries to be hot not iced. And also without mint preferably.

#6. Bacon

I’ve tried bacon flavoured chocolate in the past. It’s fucking gross. I won’t venture into the world of bacon ice cream, lest I vomit profusely.

#5. Corn on the Cob

Again, soooooo lovely to have either in summer or winter (BBQ food or nice winter warmer) – so juicy and hearty. I love corn on the cob. Corn on the cob ice cream? I mean, corn on the cob is meant to be eaten hot. Why on earth would anyone be eating this?

#4. Lobster

I’ve actually never had lobster, although I’m told it’s divine. I’m not a great lover of seafood, which is strange since I live on the beach. I genuinely feel like lobster flavoured ice cream however is a definite way to barfville. Seafood should not be an ice cream flavour for the love of God.

#3. Mayo

From the picture posted right at the start I think it’s clear why this is just gross. I love mayo and I have it with nearly everything. Just not usually my desserts.

#2. Goats’ Cheese

Goats’ cheese is one of my all time favourite cheeses. I love it so much that if someone said to me, “you have to choose one or the other – wine or goats’ cheese”, I’d be as sober as a judge from that day forward. If they asked me the same question but with goats’ cheese ice cream and wine, I’d be getting plastered every single day of my life (like usual then), wallowing in the depths of despair that if I wanted my beloved goats’ cheese I had to have it in ice cream format.

#1. Raw Horse Flesh

Image result for raw horse flesh ice creamAnyone who knows me will know that I am a hardcore animal lover. I can’t see any creature in distress and frequently save the bees at work that trapped indoors. So the idea of raw horse flesh in any shape or form makes me feel nauseous. The fact that it’s supposed to be a fun flavour makes me feel even worse. I wish this were a joke but sadly, it isn’t. This is one of several weird and wacky ice cream flavours you can get at an indoor amusement park in Tokyo.

Thunder Storms and Hearing Electricity

There’s a storm right now.  Not the exciting storm that the news played up we’d have, with crashes of thunder and lightning, just a low rumble and a couple of flashes.  But it’s still a welcome sound after how hot it’s been lately.  Clears the air doesn’t it?

I had a feeling there was going to be a storm.  My ears started ringing.  They always do right before a storm.  You know, kind of like a dog whistle?  My boyfriend thought I was going crazy when I used to say to him, “you’ve left the TV on standby, I can hear it”.  He would say, “you can’t possibly hear it, there’s no sound coming out of it”.  But I could, I swore down every time.

I just said to my work colleague, “I think there’s going to be a storm, my ears are ringing” and she looked at me like I was nuts.  I tried to explain that I could hear electricity – it’s the only way I can describe it, because of course I’m not actually hearing the electricity, but I Googled it to prove my point and some people can hear the frequency waves of the electricity – that’s what the high pitched dog whistle sound in my ears in.  Apparently I have a very high frequency shut off.  Yippee for me.  Since that means that you only have to leave a socket on in my house and it drives me insane to the point I can’t sleep.  It’s like constant tinnitus.

I apparently have the world’s shittest superpower.

 

Poor Man’s Pam

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to introduce myself since I’m another new writer here. When I saw that Kate was asking for collaborators and Pam had already agreed to participate, I knew I had to get involved. I have so much love and respect for these two women and anything they’ve put their stamp of approval on is going to be fantastic!

I first met Kate through a friend’s Twitch stream, and her name instantly made me giggle. My first exposure to the cait sith myth was (surprisingly) NOT from Final Fantasy, but from the novels in The Iron Fey series by Julie Kagawa. One of the characters was a snarky and sarcastic cait sith named Grimalkin, by far my favorite in all the books. Although I know the characters in the Final Fantasy franchise as well, my brain will always first remember Grim whenever I see Kate’s name.

So the main point of this blog post… who the heck is this random girl writing on Kate’s blog?

Well. My name is Katrina, but most people know me as PurpleTurtleGames (call me Purple for short).

I am a small-time Twitch streamer and stay-at-home wife. I used to be an engineer, but recently my anxiety has been too severe to continue in that profession, and I have been unemployed for about a year. We don’t have any kids, but we do have 2 adorable fur babies that I will probably talk about a lot.

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The things I’m passionate about in general are video games, books, and board games. I’m relatively new to the world of video games, but streaming and spending time with other gamers has been one of the best experiences of my life. Since I never played them much growing up, I have a lot of really good games and franchises I get to catch up on now, and I am having a blast getting to experience all of them for the first time.

I am also a voracious reader. I read primarily young adult fantasy and science fiction novels, and my TBR pile is about as long as my arm! I have too many favorite authors to choose just one, but some of them include Julie Kagawa, Alexandra Bracken, Richelle Mead, and Gena Showalter. If you ever need a suggestion for a new YA book to read, I can definitely steer you in the right direction.

My husband and I also thoroughly enjoy playing board games, and we have quite a collection at this point. We play a variety of them, including deck-building, RPG, party games, and card games. It’s something we both enjoy and something we’ve been able to bond over as well.

 

I haven’t decided yet what topics I’ll be covering on this blog… I’m sure it will be a range of my interests and some random thoughts/opinions. I look forward to the future of this blog and collaborating with these fantastic women.

Thank you for taking the time to read all this. Much love ❤

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Co-Writers Wanted!

Co-WritersIt’s always great to meet new people.  I love reading blogs and reading up on peoples’ thoughts, likes, loves, hates and general interests.  I would really love to combine those two by having some co-writers join this blog and post about anything and everything they can think of!

As you’ve probably already noticed, I don’t have a theme to this blog, it’s just random posts with random topics, whatever I come across that takes my interest that particular day.  Due to the fact I’m pretty impulsive and spontaneous, posts here can be few and far between so I’d really love to have as many people as would like, join up and post your thoughts, loves/hates and general craic and keep this blog fresh and full of new posts.

If anyone is interested in this, feel free to contact me in any number of ways, from leaving a comment on this post, hitting me up on Twitter / Twitch / Instagram.

I’m really looking forward to reading any posts.  I’ve already had one response so you should be seeing some new short story content very soon!  Watch this space!