My goodness, I suck. I mean, you know, not at everything, but definitely at choosing the wrong cars. To date I have had eight cars. I have been driving for twelve years. Out of those eight cars, seven were ten years or older. I have never been able to afford a relatively new car so I keep saving up and buying these absolute sheds that are fine when I get them, then, like the Jonah that I am, within a couple of months, things start to go horribly wrong with them, I end up plying thousands into them, probably enough to warrant getting a decent car, but you know how it is – you drop a couple hundred quid into a car and then you think it’d be a waste of money if you got a different one because you’d already put money into it, so you put more money into it to get more repairs done and it ends up being a viscous cycle that costs you a lot of money.
My most recent car is a cute little yellow Fiat 500. They’re quite popular these days and I looked into literally hundreds of reviews about them – parts are budget, tax is cheap/free, insurance is really really, ridiculously low, fuel costs next to nothing, etc. etc. Plus they don’t take up much space on your drive, so, bonus!
So, I took out a loan for £3750 and went to a garage that sold a little yellow sport edition Fiat 500 (2008) and I part ex’d my red Beetle (complete with huge golden Legend of Zelda Hyrule symbol decal across the bonnet) and I bought it. I got £300 for my Beetle, which had multitude of problems and was a 2000 edition, so it was pretty darn old.
The garage fixed a few niggly things here and there for free (naturally) and for a fair few months (around eight) I was trouble free and I thought I’d finally found the car that would have little to no problems and not taunt me with its very existence.
I did have issues with its size, to be fair. The car I had before my Beetle was a huge Honda HR-V that made me feel MASSIVE and really really safe. So going to the Fiat started to make me feel a little uneasy after a while, especially on the motorway.
So far I have had new bulbs, four new tyres, a full new exhaust and brand spanking new brake discs and all the jazz that comes with your regular MOT fails. I’ve spent a fair bit of money on repairs. So imagine my absolute devastation when my car suddenly starts overheating when we’re stuck in traffic one day and what did it boil down to? A coolant leak somewhere in the radiator which has now got so bad that I drive it to work (three miles) and by the time I get there, the coolant, which I filled to the max before I left, is empty. It also has a multitude of electrical faults and I’m just really losing my patience with the stupid thing.
None of this was a problem really transport-wise, because I live so close to work and can get a lift in with my boyfriend, however, we found out recently that our depot is moving to the other end of the district, across a lot of country roads (and uphill) and I am now one hundred percent certain that my little crappy car will definitely not get me to work every day. If I don’t have my car, I don’t have my job. Simple.
I want to sell it and get a car that’s only a couple of years old, on finance. Trouble is, I can’t sell it until I get the repairs done because obviously, I have to use the money I make from selling it, to instantly pay back the loan I took out to buy it.
So. This brings me to my next, extremely forward topic. They say up North, “shy bairns get nowt” so I’m just gonna put it out there and outright ask. I have set up a donation button on my Twitch page and will be placing a donation ticker in my stream tomorrow if any kind Samaritans feel like helping a very unlucky girl out with some financial aid that will go towards fixing my stupid car so I can get rid of it once and for all before it ends up killing me, since it basically a bloody deathtrap.
Any help is massively appreciated and I will send hugs. In fact, I’ll send hugs even if no one helps. Just cos I love hugging people.
So I’ve kind of had a bit of a rocky time. My grandad passed away on Monday morning this week and my mum took it really, really badly. I’ve spent a while now looking after people and now I’m burnt out myself. I kind of took a bit of a back seat these last couple days in the hope I could recharge my batteries and come back fighting, but it’s taking a while. I also lost a friend, which still, even now, hurts like a bitch, but my grandad always said, “time is a great healer” so I will just take each day at a time and hopefully it will get easier.
I decided I would take my friend Andy’s advice (love you Andy!) and chill out and think about myself for a change so I’ve played a bit Sims, took myself out for a curry and a pint and now I’m sat cosy AF in bed (under two duvets – in August), kitty cosied up to my feet, with a lovely glass of wine, listening to the Fallout New Vegas soundtrack and writing this.
And my sister, bless her, is trying to cheer me up and just sent me the best Snapchat that just nearly made me choke on my wine.
Now we’re having Snapchat wars. Haha, you know, I think I’d quite forgotten how to smile this week up until now. And now my other friends are joining in. I’m so lucky to have them.
Anyway, this was just a short post, I’m going to bed now.
Sorry I’ve been slacking on posting, but let me recap my past few weeks and you’ll understand.
So, the week before school, I found out that my financial aid was revoked because I’ve been taking too long to finish school. So that was terrible. I had to appeal that and it’s delayed getting my loans. Loans that I was counting on to pay bills and debt with so I’ve been stressing about that for the past two weeks. Luckily, I found out today that my appeal was approved so now I just have to get at least a C in all of my classes and I’ll continue getting financial aid. *phew*
Then, school started. And that was a whole new level of chaos and three days of class in and I am already feeling lost and overwhelmed by my classes and I’m super nervous for this semester.
THEN, I got a job. Which is a huge relief because it has good hours, okay pay, and benefits like health insurance and paid time off which is amazing.
So…amidst all this, life has been crazy. I’m slowly falling into a set schedule of things, but I’ve had to completely change to being a morning person from being a total night owl, and it’s left me a bit exhausted so streaming has fallen by the wayside today.
But things are shaping up. I have a job that should be able to pay all my bills which is a huge relief and I’m developing an actual schedule to my life so I can start fitting in streaming more regularly and hopefully getting back to regularly posting on here.
But ya. Things have been crazy.
So, just thought I’d pass an update on to all of you guys. You’re all amazing and wonderful 🙂
Till next time!!
I feel fucking great today. I bought an outfit last week while I was on holiday that is very fifteen-year-old-me. And I realise that sounds a little bit creepy and also a little bit like I’m clinging onto the past (which is probably because I am) but I used to love the way I dressed back then and I felt really comfortable in myself. I feel like that today, even though this outfit is like “acceptable thirty year old dressing as fifteen year old”. So I can kind of get away with it.
Guess what? I bought a NEW Chromebook! I’m using it right.now.
Last weekend I was hungover after a late night, alcohol-fuelled mini golf session with my friends. Online obviously. I hate real life mini golf, although my skills seem to be equally as bad at real life mini golf and Golf With Your Friends. Meh, I suck at games. Anyway, I digress. SO. I was hungover last weekend (really bad, like I had sick down my face and stuff – please form an orderly queue guys) and I was talking to my friends on Discord on my Chromebook and I just thought to myself, “I really want a new Chromebook. One with a touchscreen and stuff”. And this of course was me trying to cheer myself up because I was hungover. So I went on my catalogue online and bought one. Then about twenty minutes later I realised what a terrible fucking expensive hangover decision it was and cancelled the order. I returned from holiday to find that it had been delivered anyway so I figured it’d be rude not to keep it. Although I do keep forgetting it has a touchscreen (the entire reason for buying it) and I keep using the mouse anyway. I’m such a moron.
My boyfriend had a new phone delivered today by the nicest DPD guy, he was really lovely. He was like a thirty year old guy who couldn’t let go of his fifteen year old skater self so I instantly decided he was getting a good customer service Tweet. We had quite a long conversation about how bad my passport photo was but how his was even worse (not that I got to see it) and when I gave my boyfriend his phone he said, “you made quite a friend with Craig from DPD didn’t you lol”. Good times. I feel like Craig probably has an N64 and drinks chocolate milkshake a lot and I’d like to keep him but that’s just weird right? I’m such a sucker for clinging onto the past.
So anyway, Scotland was kind of rainy all week. And I didn’t bring a coat. Like, I know it’s Scotland and all, but it’s August. It’s supposed to be sunny in August. But it rained a lot. And I ate a lot. And walked a lot. And worried a lot cos it was quite remote and I’ve seen too many horror movies where a group of people stay in a log cabin and it’s all fun and games til the guy in the hockey mask starts dismembering everybody.
We went for a hike in Duke’s Forest (I think that’s what it was called anyway, I CBA to Google it right now) and we were the only people I could see for miles and all I kept thinking was, “if we lose the trail, we’re gonna die in here because, inevitably, none of us will have any signal”. I asked the others and they didn’t have any signal so I checked my own phone and OH MY GOD, not only did I have full signal but I only had full fucking 4g as well. I was like, EE, you guys are missing out on a great Kevin Bacon advert here about a spoof horror movie where it’s in a dark forest and everyone is lost and no one else has signal except for Kevin Bacon and they think they’re gonna die, but they don’t cos he’s got full 4g and just uses Google Maps to get them all out. Also, if EE release that advert I want commission.
We stayed near a place called ‘Drymen’ and my boyfriend and my sister’s husband got a taxi there for a few pints in the local pub. Their taxi driver was called “Mad Dog” and apparently he ran over one of the guys in the pub (this guy was telling the boys) when he was angry. They were also told that everyone else called him Mad Dog, but he didn’t call himself that and got really angry if anyone called him it. I think my sister’s husband called him it anyway when he was drunk in the taxi on the ride home but they came back in one piece so Mad Dog mustn’t have heard him. Mad Dog also very adamantly kept correcting them that “Drymen” wasn’t pronounced “dry men”, but “drimmen”. So the rest of the week focused heavily on my sister and the boys yelling “DRIMMEN” everywhere they went.
Anyway I’ve rattled on enough now, I’m gonna go start my little car up to drop my boyfriend and my dad off on their drinking and football escapade so I can get back and cosy up and chill out.
So, first off, I know I promised I would post something every day this week. But I feel like death warmed over today so it’s not gonna be a very long one. But it will be something at least.
I’ve been branching out into the world of art. I’ve had a few emote commissions I’ve done as well as sub badges and just little things for friends and strangers on Twitch. It has been an adventure and has pushed me to learn and do more art than I know how to do and I’m proud of how it’s turned out.
But on that note, I’ve contemplated starting a comic of sorts featuring the lil’ monster that is the LilMonsterPam mascot.
It would definitely be something new, but I love writing and stories and such and I feel like it would be a fun attempt to give my monster her own story. I don’t know if it’d last long, or if I’d stick it out, but the thought is there.
Anyway, like I said, not very long. My sore throat disappeared and then returned in full force with it’s sickly buddies so I just feel exhausted and can’t think very well. So TTFN. Hopefully I’m more alive tomorrow.
I’ve always been a homebody/keep to myself type person, same goes for my boyfriend, which may be a big part of why we’ve gravitated towards each other over the years. We’ve had our ups and down, including a few break-ups here and there, but we recently decided to get back together and aim for the long haul, wherever that road takes us. A big part of this involves talking and being more open about things when they are bothering us, something that, while we confided in each other about things outside of the relationship, is difficult for us to confront to each other.
Since I’ve begun my streaming ‘career’ (a girl can hope right?), I’ve opened up a brand new world of online communities and friends that I never imagined I would consider as dear to me as, if not more so than, family. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time on my phone/computer chatting on Discord, Twitter, Twitch, etc.
Last week, my boyfriend was acting incredibly down, and after urging him, he confided that he had been feeling very far away from me, something that I had not felt in the slightest (I say this because it’s usually me that feels him being distant). Though he didn’t say it specifically, I gathered that it was due to the excessive amount of time I’m online and in the clouds, which even I admit is a LOT recently. He would never ask me to stop streaming, or stop communicating with my friends and such, and he does his utmost to support me in everything I do, streaming included. We had three days together before some massive changes coming this week that will effect both of us in a huge way.
So, without his asking or saying, I decided to tame my online time significantly this weekend; partially for him and partially because I was feeling like shit and it was just getting overwhelming trying to keep up. (I have to add, I had a severe sore throat and could barely talk for the first few days, and being that sick feeling just made it way to hard to keep up with social media).
It was an amazingly, wonderful weekend. We connected more, did more activities than usual, and just were together and actually present with each other the entire three days. Yes, I got online here and there to send a quick tweet or check Discord, but for the most part, I was offline. I definitely had moments where I felt like I was missing out on things, or worried I would make people upset or something if I didn’t get online, but for the most part I was able to enjoy myself, rest, and actually feel better, both physically and mentally. On top of that, my boyfriend and I were able to get much closer again and resolve his feelings of being faraway from me. Towards the end, he thanked me for not spending as much time online the last few days. He told me he had noticed and it meant a lot to him.
Now that it’s Monday, I obviously am back online in full force, Discording, streaming, tweeting away, but it was wonderful to be able to do something so simple to show him how much I love him and now I have a better resolve to be more present when I do get time with him.
Anyway, not sure where I was totally going with this, but, it’s what I was thinking. I guess the moral is, don’t let the online world prevent you from being present in your physical relationships. It happens all too easily and sometimes has more of an effect than you can see.
Anywho, You guys are all fantastic people and I hope you’re having wonderful Mondays! See you all tomorrow 😉 (for reals. I’m determined to do a blog post every day this week, AT LEAST!)